She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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