I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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