Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Boobs speak an international language.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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