...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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