I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
