You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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