Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
