those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
