So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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