Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
