One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
