Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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