So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
