we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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