i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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