Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
