Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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