i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
