I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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