morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
