im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
