If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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