Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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