I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
