Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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