Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
