the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
