Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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