You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
