Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
