I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
