i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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