I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I wish there were birth control emojis
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
