i just google imaged poop.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
