Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
