Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
