I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
