You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She bit a glass in half.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
