she looked like the bat from fern gully.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
