enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
