standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize