....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
