I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
