remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
