I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
