I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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