I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
