Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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