True but thats because hes a fetus.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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