stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
