worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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