I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My balls are so social today.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
