i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
