ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
