I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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