toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
