You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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