girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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