my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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