you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
