first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
