If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
