I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
