my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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