Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
