i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
