I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize