I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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