all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
