sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
