Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
